Doug Prouty's Battle for Health

Tuesday, July 31st

"The Secret" for Turning My Health?

I have coached competitive swimming on several levels: recreational, high school and USS. When one of my swimmers was on the blocks, I didn’t want anyone else in their ear but me. There were certain words and images I wanted them to have and certain ones I did not. The race is a blur if done right. You don’t want to be thinking about whether you will make the upcoming turn or whether your mechanics are correct or where the other swimmers are located. You just want to believe that you will have the swim of your life and focus intently on that image.

During my own swimming career, I study the practice of Psycho-Cybernetics. I read a book written by Dr. Maltz in 1960 that looked at the realization that the mind could take the body beyond its current capabilities. That we only use a small percentage of our minds capabilities and about that same small percentage of our body’s capabilities. Have you ever heard of the stories of incredible physical strength like a person able to lift a car off of their loved one? Asked to repeat the feat, they couldn’t do it. Because when they stop and think, their mind knows that they can’t lift that car.

So with meditation and mental imagery, I rehearsed my events in my mind. Seeing myself achieve times and finishes that I had never accomplished in the pool. If the mind can see and believe that it happens, the body doesn’t know the difference. As a result, over 3 years of college swimming I was able to break a 10-year-old school record, qualify for the NCAAs twice and make All American. All of those swims were way beyond what I had done before and beyond what my coaches thought were possible. I am convinced that these would not have happened had it not been for imagery work (and a lot of hard work in the pool).

So what does this have to do with cancer? Well, my friend Linda just gave me the CD series to the book/movie, “The Secret.” It has been a best seller and has taken on quite a following. Much of its core teaching is similar to Psycho-Cybernetics. As a matter of fact, it takes from lots of teachings throughout the centuries. Unfortunately, much of it focuses on financial success and it doesn’t mention the hard work you have to put in. But the section on health struck me as something I should be focusing on.

If the mind can allow the body to perform beyond the normal, is it also capable of curing it of disease?

The Secret claims that if you think, believe and feel, then it becomes reality. Most of us focus on the negative. “I can’t afford that.” “I couldn’t possibly break that record.” “I hate war.” “I hope I don’t mess this up.” “I hope I don’t die of cancer.” Instead we need to fill our minds and thus our energy on what we want to have happen and believe it can be ours. Instead of complaining about my condition and what may happen, I need to believe that I will go into remission. That I will become healthy again. I need to start every day and repeat every chance I can the idea that I want health, I am improving and I feel great. And I need to again tap into my imagery work of 20 years ago to convince my mind that my body is healed. To draw a picture or health so my body follows.

Doug on 07.31.07 @ 11:08 AM PST [link] [No Comments]

Sunday, July 29th

Out of Control

I’ve decided that it’s about loss of control. I have always felt in control of my life, control of my situation, and in control of my choices. It’s probably why I am not drawn to certain drugs. I don’t like to lose control. But with cancer, it’s all about a loss of control. You really have no idea how long you have to live or what the quality of that life will be like. Doctors make decisions for you. The drugs you have to take make you sick. And you have to rely on people to help you do some of the simplest things. It’s truly a tentative way of life. And it certainly gives meaning and weight to the idea that we should, “live in the moment.”

I need to give Jeanette a lot of credit. I can’t begin to imagine what she is going through. She has been so incredible handling all of this. Not only has she had to nurse me back to health, but also she has had to pick up all of my slack. And she isn’t allowed to complain. How can she be allowed to feel bad about her situation when she looks at mine every day? But I think hers may be worse. Sure I would love to live to be a ripe old age, but Jeanette faces losing her husband, raising the kids alone and handling the household by herself. And there is no timeline, she is supposed to just wait and watch it all happen. Talk about out of control. You try to bury yourself in your daily business and then once in awhile it hits you like a ton of bricks and the emotions are too much.

So as I start to feel better, I am glad to be gaining some health and independence again. Hopefully I can ease some of the household and family burdens and we can become more of a team instead of invalid and caretaker. And maybe I can begin to take back some control of my life for as long as is possible.

Doug on 07.29.07 @ 11:33 PM PST [link] [5 Comments]

Friday, July 27th

Elephant Pharm

This week I drove by the old closed down grocery store in Walnut Creek at the corner of California and Newell. I was really excited to see that the building will now house a Trader Joes’ and an Elephant Pharm. I realize that a lot of readers of this blog are nowhere near Walnut Creek, but yesterday’s business section of the Times notes that Elephant Pharm is planning on eventual expansion throughout California and the US.

Elephant Pharm pharmacy first opened in Berkeley in 2002. It now has three other stores in various Bay Area locations. “It was created to offer health-conscious consumers a health- and wellness-minded product selection, superior customer service, and easy access to information through a free customer education program.” Besides filling regular drug prescriptions they have a huge selection of alternative remedies, natural body care and cosmetics, natural foods and wines, high-quality vitamins and supplements, yoga and Pilates gear, fair trade-certified goods from around the world, and myriad products that complement a healthy lifestyle.

What is exciting is that its focus is on health and alternative therapies. Other drug stores have only just dabbled in healthy alternative remedies while still selling Coca Cola, cheese wiz and other processed foods. Which seems like a contradiction to me. There are no education programs or even advice that steers you towards anything but the traditional. Where as Elephant, “offers free consultations daily with a rotating staff of local health practitioners including registered nurses, naturopathic and ayurvedic doctors, herbalists and homeopaths.” The store even has a classroom that presents close to 80 classes a month on health and wellness.

Looking forward to the opening of this new store and ready to support their approach.

Doug on 07.27.07 @ 08:42 AM PST [link] [2 Comments]

Wednesday, July 25th

Personality Types A, B & C?

As best as all the researchers and doctors can tell, cancer is caused by some combination of four things: Environmental Pollution (heavy metals, pesticides, chemicals, etc.), Diet, Genetics, and or Stress. Still, it is a mystery why one person is stricken and another is not. Carcinogenic pollutants are increasing on our planet at about the same growth rate as cancer. I blame un-checked big business, agriculture and the government agencies that are supposed to protect us. Genetics are something we can’t do much about. Note that none of my relatives in previous generations have died from cancer. Diet is no surprise as I have read so much to support this claim. And so that brings us to stress.

I just got done reading a book called, “You Can Fight For Your Life: Emotional Factors in the Treatment of Cancer.” As a Psychotherapist, the author did his research in the 60’s and 70’s with terminally ill cancer patients. He found that they all had certain characteristics in common. He was even able to apply the theory to a large group of unknowns, and through a couple of psychological tests, tell who was ill. So essentially, we have a Type C or cancer personality.

The National Council of Psychotherapists describes this personality as; “The Type C personality type has difficulty expressing emotion and has a tendency to bottle things up, especially anything which is bothering them. They rarely have displays to ‘de-stress’ such as shouting or throwing things and although they might feel like doing that – like any ‘normal’ person, they are able exercise extreme control over their words and behavior. This is a perfect recipe for severe stress problems and the existence of the Type C personality was first acknowledged in studies of cancer patients.” So this person does not have an outlet for anger and other emotions. People refer to them as, “She’s a saint” or “He’s such a good sweet man.” These people are found to have a high degree of emotional self-control, idealism and sense of responsibility.

The other trait found in Type C was a loss of a central (all important) relationship. This can be a loved one or a career, something to which a person gave all of their time and emotional energy. This can also mean that the person isn’t living the life that is truly their nature. This happens because they have received their reinforcement and love by pleasing others. Thus making choices based on how others will react. So as a result, there is a road not taken, a talent undeveloped, a self not recognized.

Usually we have a list of things we want to do in our lifetime. Jeanette and I were joking not long ago about a list of things I no longer have to do. One of the first items was Self Improvement. However, after reading this book, I now think I should go into therapy. While reading I spent much of the time trying to see if my life or personality fit the profile. Though I haven’t lost a central relationship, I would have to say that watching my precious child grow up with autism is a crushing blow. It has been a loss of normalcy for our family life and for her life. Everyday is a reminder of that disappointment.

I love my career and field of expertise, so I am not sure I fit the person who is not living a life that is true to them. However, I am spot on as a person who is poor at expressing anger. I have great emotional control in that area. The “Rock.” I was taught early on that anger was not to be articulated. In addition, I am also prone to have my actions driven by what others expect and might want from me. A people pleaser if you will.

So in my continuing efforts to cure myself, I now have a new front to explore. I get to try and work on changing my personality. And the next time someone is uncomfortable with your yelling and venting, you tell them that it is part of your health regimen.

Doug on 07.25.07 @ 10:15 AM PST [link] [2 Comments]

Monday, July 23rd

Laughter is the Best Medicine

In our house the most popular TiVo Season Pass has got to be America’s Funniest Home Videos. I often hear Nick laughing hysterically and constantly throughout the program. He rarely misses one. Second place goes to John Stewart’s Daily Show. I usually find myself laughing and smiling throughout the half hour. When I channel surf, I will most likely end up on Comedy Central watching a stand-up comedian. And this past couple weeks Jeanette has been reading the book, We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier. I have been distracted by her constant outburst of laughter almost every other page.

Did you know that in humans, laughter predates speech by perhaps millions of years? Apparently they used it as communication before they could talk. “Infants laugh almost from birth," says Steve Wilson, MA, CSP, a psychologist and laugh therapist. "In fact, people who are born blind and deaf still laugh. So we know it's not a learned behavior. Humans are hardwired for laughter."

Every once in awhile you read and article or hear a brief news blurb about the health benefits of laughter. Several studies, one published in Journal of the American Medical Association, cite that laughter can strengthen your immune system. Research, conducted at Graz University in Austria, showed that laughter therapy helped people recovering from strokes lower their blood pressure. The Experimental Biology 2006 conference in the United States recently say they have now shown that merely anticipating "mirthful laughter" before watching a funny video has significant neuroendocrine effects. This list goes on and on claiming that laughter will help you live longer and healthier.

I was raised with two brothers and three cousins, all of us boys, all within 5 years of each other. Growing up with this gang, there were plenty of laughs. While cleaning out some saved images on my computer I came across the one below that I had found on the Internet. I saved it because it makes me laugh every time I see it. Must be a cousin thing.

priceless (25k image)
Doug on 07.23.07 @ 09:00 AM PST [link] [6 Comments]

Friday, July 20th

Finding A Voice

It looks like my vocal cords are on the mend. It has been frustrating and feels like a very slow process. One of the hardest parts has been talking on the phone. It is amazing how much you notice the frequency of calls when you have to sit there and listen to the answering machine. If I pick up or make an outgoing call, the person on the other end thinks they are getting one of those heavy breathing calls. You should have seen/heard me at the drive through window the other day - an exercise in futility and patience. Jeanette has had to make many of my appointments, arrangement and generally translate for me these past five weeks.

I am still a ways from having my voice back but I can tell that certain ranges are coming and that is encouraging. What I have missed the most is singing. I keep a couple of guitars around the house so I can pick them up and break into song when I get the urge. I am learning just how important that is to my soul. From the beginning when I learned to play guitar, I always sang along. It has been more of an accompaniment to my voice than anything. So to pick it up now and play feels hollow. The music is missing its voice. There were times when I sang and played that I could give myself goose bumps. I can certainly feel emotions and they affect my body.

So I look forward to my voice returning not only so I can talk with folks again but to sing. It doesn’t matter if I have lost the quality I had before. I am sure that my performance days are behind me. I just hope I can reach the notes and feel the song again. Music has been an important part of my life and the loss of my voice has really taught me that I need to create it as well as listen to it.

Yesterday, I pulled into a parking lot and heard the security guard singing. When I went into the store, I held the door for a couple of women who were actually complaining about the quality of her voice. And I thought, how wonderful to hear someone sing out loud without caring if it sounded good or not. I always smile when someone with headphones is singing along and they sound terrible. Imagine the good it does for their soul.

For your own health, I hope you all are singing. I’ll be joining you soon.

Doug on 07.20.07 @ 06:45 AM PST [link]

Tuesday, July 17th

The Yin and Yang of Soy

American farming has a great deal invested in the soybeans. As a result, expanded markets and the selling of its benefits to consumers has been a focus. Large-scale planting of soybeans in the United States began only after the Second World War, and quickly rose to 140 billion pounds per year. Most of it is made into animal feed and soy oil for hydrogenated fats, margarine and shortening. The byproduct of processing is then made into foods that can be marketed to the American consumer such as soy milk, baby formula, yogurt, ice cream, cheese, and textured soy protein as meat substitutes. These are sold as high protein, low fat, no cholesterol "health foods." But are they?

During the Chou Dynasty (1134 - 246 BC) the soybean was designated one of the five sacred grains, along with barley, wheat, millet and rice. The ancient pictographs show that the soybean, unlike the other four, was used for crop rotation and not for food. The Chinese did not eat the soybean as they did other beans because it contains large quantities of a number of harmful substances. Soy contains enzyme inhibitors that block the action of trypsin and other enzymes that are needed for protein digestion. They are not deactivated during cooking and can result in stomach trouble, reduced protein digestion and deficiencies in amino acid uptake. Soybeans are also high in phytic acid, which blocks the uptake of essential minerals such as calcium, magnesium, iron and zinc.

Many soy products such as baby formula and milk are made with soy protein isolate. To get this, soy beans are first ground and put through a high-temperature, solvent extraction processes to remove the oils. The left over defatted meal is then mixed with an alkaline solution and sugars to remove fiber. Then it is separated using an acid wash. Finally the resultant curds are neutralized in an alkaline solution and spray dried at high temperatures to produce high protein powder. In the end, vitamin and protein quality is limited yet some trypsin inhibitors remain and it is still high in phytic acid.

The good news on soy is that with fermentation, sprouting or culturing, it is highly beneficial. The Japanese diet is the healthiest on earth and includes cultured soy products such as miso, natto and tempeh. The fermentation process produces an enhancement in protein, amino acids, essential fatty acids, vitamins and anti-oxidants. Studies have shown that the culturing process with products like miso, is what leads to its cancer fighting attributes. By working with sprouted or cultured soy, the bean becomes easier to digest. As it stands, only about 3 to 5 percent of regular soy can be broken down in digestion leaving a burden on the liver and kidneys.

The National Cancer Institute found five compounds in fruits and vegetables that help fight cancer. All five are found in soybeans. These are isoflavones, protease inhibitors, saponins, phytosterols, and phytic acid. One of the isoflavones called Genestine has been involved in over 600 clinical cancer studies. There is a process that creates a fermented soy beverage making it very powerful as a health aid. In this form, the beneficial phytochemicals (anti-inflammatory, antibacterial, antiviral, antimutagenic, antiarcinogenic and free radical capturing) can directly enter even the tough to crack cancer cells. The beverage form yields a high concentration of isoflavones, which are difficult to get through other foods.

Statistics show that about 40% of cancer patients die from Protein Calorie Malnutrition or cachexia. The high protein content and ease of digestion and assimilation of this fermented product helps to address this problem. I am concerned, as I have watched my body lose strength and muscle mass over the last several months. So I am trying a new supplement called Haelan. There are two problems so far. The first is that it is very expensive. It can range from $30 to $60 for an 8 ounce bottle and the suggestion is that I drink 8 ounces (4 in the morning and 4 at night) a day. That brings me to my second problem with it. This is the nastiest foul tasting thing I have ever stomached! Far worse than the Noni juice that is vile and the Essiac tea that smells like rubber burning.

Why is it that things that are so good for you have to taste so bad? Why couldn’t broccoli taste like a Krispy Kreme? Why couldn’t wheat grass juice taste like strawberry ice cream? It just seems unfair that a person with potentially little time left in this body has to trade the pleasures of the palate for nasty tasting health foods. Here’s to our health!

Doug on 07.17.07 @ 09:38 AM PST [link]

Friday, July 13th

Health Status Report

Well it’s been 4 ½ weeks since surgery and two weeks into chemo so I figure it was time to deliver a status report.

I think we can consider the surgery a success as far as its intended goals. The primary focus was to stabilize the spine. The tumor had weakened the existing vertebra and its new replacement is now stronger than bone. It is also pinned and plated to the vertebra above and below. According to the surgeon, if I were to break my neck now, it wouldn’t happen there. The pain and numbness down my arms that I felt because of nerve pinch is gone and I am regaining strength in my hands. My neck is still sore and I get twinges of pain when I turn my head a little too far to the right. As a result, the muscles in the neck are still working hard to try and support and so they are tight and sore. But for the most part, I am happy with the results and recovery. During surgery, not only did they remove the bone that was tumor infested but they also removed a nearby mass. Their goal was not to go after the cancer so I suspect I still have some activity in the area but I like to think they did a little house cleaning that may help.

My lungs are on a slow improvement. I am still using oxygen on a consistent basis but find I can go without easily if I am sitting or walking around the house. When tested with a PulseOx reader, my numbers are strong and draw compliments from the nurse or therapist. Yesterday I was able to obtain smaller, more portable oxygen bottles so my mobility will be much better. I still get very winded with the slightest exertion but I would say that there is some slow improvement. My lungs are pretty crowded with tumors so unless they start to shrink, I will only improve so far.

Tomorrow marks two weeks of oral chemotherapy. This drug has you take it for two weeks and then break for one. Apparently side effects are common during the week off as well so it’s really a break from having to eat five pills, twice a day. I am starting to recognize some of the side effects from the last time I was on the IV version of this drug. Besides being a little more tired, I get some stomach and bowel problems. Regular blood tests show that my body is tolerating the drug pretty well as my white and red blood cell counts and other indicators stay strong. Soon they will decide that I am healed enough to start the drug Avastin. This one is getting some press these days as our local Genentech is seeing profits soar due to its widespread use.

So, I am on the mend and heading in the right direction. I also continue to look into alternative treatments and will be talking more about fermented soy beverages (yum) and Cesium Chloride as I explore those two next.

Doug on 07.13.07 @ 03:41 PM PST [link]

Wednesday, July 11th

Una de Gato

We have a Peruvian friend who just recommended that I look into Una de Gato or Uncaria Tomentosa or as we might know it as, Cat’s Claw. The Peruvians have used Una de Gato as a healing tonic for centuries. The U.S. has only learned of its capabilities in the last 20 years. This herb is considered one of the most beneficial from the Peruvian rain forest. The World Health Organization has recognized it as one of the most important medicinal plants in the world. It was also one of the plants researched by the National Institute for Health as an anti-cancer agent. Some of the properties attributed to this herb are Anti-microbial, Antioxidant, Anti-viral, Anti-inflammatory and Anti-tumor.

“In Peru, Una de Gato tea is used as a medicinal herb with almost unlimited curative properties. This herb is a powerful cellular rejuvenator. It has been used for the treatment of gastritis (inflammation of the stomach), ulcers, cancer, arthritis, rheumatism, irregularities of the female cycle, and acne. It is also used to treat organic depression. External applications of Una de Gato include the treatment of wounds, fungus, fistulas and hemorrhoids. European research shows that Una de Gato activates the immune system by increasing lymphocytic (white blood cell) activity." - Herbs of the Amazon - Traditional and Common Uses, by Dr. Donna Schwontkowski

Alkaloids are the active organic compounds found in herbs and the heart of most drug research. Six alkaloids are found in Una de Gato bark and are what give Una de Gato its ability to enhance the immune system and stomach. Four of the alkaloids have been shown to increase the ability of the white blood cells to attack and eat up harmful organisms.

Una de Gato is a woody vine that grows up trees in the Highlands of Peru. When the vine (which grows up to 100 feet in height) is harvested at about three feet above ground, it grows back to full size within a few years. If you purchase Una de Gato, be sure the supply was from the harvest of the bark only. It is also important to buy only Uncaria tomentosa. This is the true Una de Gato. Other herbs are informally called cat's claw and there is a version of Una de Gato from the lowlands of Peru, Uncaria guianensis. It does not contain the same alkaloids as Uncaria tomentosa.

Add this one to my supplement list.

Doug on 07.11.07 @ 07:32 AM PST [link]

Monday, July 9th

Fathers

Traditionally, I take Nick and my dad over to the country club for an amazing breakfast on Father’s Day morning. It’s a classy all-you-can-eat affair with lots of families. The food is great and my dad always complains that with all that food, Nick sticks to just the fruit and yogurt.

Being a child of the great depression, my dad has a hard time spending money on himself and enjoying the luxuries, or even the simplicities, that come with it. And, there are very few things that he can’t build or fix. Because of these two things, in his late 70’s he is still Mr. Do-It-Yourself.

Through my childhood he built homes with one partner. He would buy the land, sit at night at a drafting table, design the house and create the plans. Then he and his partner would build the house from the ground up, sell it and move on to the next project. There were rarely any sub-contractors involved. He did the foundation, plumbing, electrical, roofing, you name it. Later he opened a cabinet shop and made custom furniture to retirement.

If you can call it retirement, for he never stops making things. The last 10 or more years he has been creating custom cars. His most recent design and prototype is a 3 wheel motorcycle that folds to be easily carried on a motor home.

Lately I have been thinking of Father’s Day and how this year’s didn’t quite go as planned. I called my dad to watch the kids on Friday night at midnight as Jeanette and I rushed me back to the hospital. Neither my mom nor dad heard the phone so the next call went to my brother who was able to come over and spend the night as we stayed in emergency until 5am Saturday. By midnight that day, I was again having trouble. This time I decided to hang in there until 4am Father’s Day at which time I figured my mom might be up. So it was another call to them for another ride to the emergency room. To my surprise, my dad picked up the phone on its first ring. I asked what he was doing up and he said he was waiting for my call. He felt so bad about missing it the night before that he probably didn’t sleep much the next night. Anyway, without hesitation he was here that Father’s Day morning and racing me to the hospital to prolong my life.

I have said it a couple times. The hardest thing for me right now is to think about leaving my kids without a father. I have been so fortunate to have my folks around supporting me my whole life. A father has so much to teach a son throughout the years and I am still learning. I credit my dad for teaching me and giving me the example that I can do anything. My love for projects comes from him. I would love to pass these things on to my son and hope that I have done what I could in the short 12 years we have had together.

So here is a request to the men out there – my brothers and friends. In future times, if you are doing something that you think a teenage boy would enjoy, could benefit and learn from, and would like to take the role of father for a day or more, then I encourage you to invite Nick. He is amazing in his insight and sensitivity and will continue to need good father figures as examples and teachers. And I can not think of better people than you to take that role. So, here is a late public thanks to my dad and an early thanks to the rest of you.

I have to go and dry my face off now.

Doug on 07.09.07 @ 11:22 AM PST [link]

Saturday, July 7th

“One Of These Days”

My friend Linda just forwarded an email that started like this:

A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package: "This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package." He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

"She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on, was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothes he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said:

"Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion".

The person relaying the story goes on to say:

“Now I read more and clean less. I sit on the porch without worrying about anything. I spend more time with my family, and less at work. I understand that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses everyday. I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if i feel like it.”

“I would regret and feel sad, because I didn't say to my brother and sisters, son and daughters, mom and dad, not enough times at least, how much I love them.”

“Now, I try not to delay, postpone or keep anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives. And, on each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day. Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.”

With my condition, I think of this lesson frequently, but old habits are tough to break. I have been able to leave work behind but with great difficulties as it defined much of who I am. I have been able to value my family and especially my children, spending more time with them. But finding the words to tell them everyday how hard it is to leave them early, is next to impossible. I think raising an autistic child has taught us not to sweat the small stuff. As a result, you would probably be amazed at what does not bother us domestically.

Probably the toughest to drop is the worrying. Though it may not be obvious on the exterior, I have always been a worrier on the inside. It is what feeds the stress. I think it comes from over thinking. So my goal is to reduce my worries, try and visualize and meditate more often. And there is no use to wait for “one of these days” anymore. Everyday when I wake up, I take a second to look around, soak it up, glad I’m here.

Doug on 07.07.07 @ 10:15 AM PST [link]

Wednesday, July 4th

Highs and Lows

My first trip to Europe was in June of 1983 when I graduated from college. We landed in Heathrow and got on a tour bus headed for London. I will never forget the sight along that route. As we drove down the freeway I noticed cars had pulled off to the side of the road and their occupants were sprawled out on the grassy embankment. It was the strangest thing to see. The further we drove the more people you saw laying spread-eagle on the ground along side the road. I finally asked the driver what was going on. He said that it had been raining and cold for months and this was their first day of warm sunshine.

It was about a year later that I wrote a song called “Rain”, trying to capture the notion that a person couldn’t experience a true high in their life unless they had been through the lows. It’s why people sing the Blues. Embracing and living the heartbreaks opens the door for elation and joy.

The other night, as I sat feeling sorry for myself, with neck pain, no voice, lungs that “suck”, and chemo sickness, I thought, now here is a new low. I must say, it won’t take much of a bump from here for me to consider any success a high.

Amazingly, I have had more than my share of big bumps throughout my life. Back in school, I was fortunate to be very successful in academics, sports and student leadership. Later, I found a profession and career that I truly love. I married an incredible woman who turned out to be an amazing wife and mother. And my kids have been on the giving and receiving side of unconditional love beyond my imagination. I can still remember crying with joy at Alex’s ultrasound when we found out she was a girl. I can also remember crying in pain as, two years later, we found out she was autistic. Still, we have made enough money to live in a beautiful home and been able to afford a wonderful lifestyle. Our kids get the best support that is available. I am truly in a tiny and blessed percentile on this planet.

So I will sing the Blues for now, but plan on me celebrating the highs when they come.

Doug on 07.04.07 @ 08:55 AM PST [link]

Monday, July 2nd

Self-Inflicted Chemo

Like giving yourself a shot, it is one thing to figure that it has to be done, and have someone else deliver it. It is another to give it to yourself. I can remember getting psyched up to get chemotherapy for the first time. Once again, I had just come out of a surgery (part of my colon removed) and a week long hospital stay. I spent a few weeks recovering and my doctor insisted it was time to start. He sat me down and showed me the statistics and odds of going on it versus not. It felt like my only option.

So for three days in a row every couple weeks, I would go into the office and sit in the recliner while they hooked me up to an IV that would run for hours each day. I would start to feel sick almost immediately, the sickness only letting up a few weeks later when it was time for another sitting.

Now, I stare at the prescription bottle, pop the top twice a day and do it to myself. We had the prescription home for a day or so before I got the nerve to start. It has been a little over 2 years when I had to psyched myself up the first time and over a year when they discovered more tumors and I started again. Those memories were refreshed this weekend. But instead of feeling like I am out of control with the decision and the administration, this time I own it.

For being such an advocate for alternative approaches and solutions, I marvel at the number of prescription drugs I now have on the shelf. Without exaggeration, there must be twenty of them, between the pain pills, blood thinner injections, creams, and other medications. Many of them will sit and be tossed, others I am on. The other day, I finally had to make a list of everything so I could keep track.

AM
Conventional Drugs
- Lovenox injection (blood thinner for clots post surgery)
- Xeloda (Chemotherapy)
Alternative Supplements
- Essiac Tea (American Indian Cancer Support)
- RM 10 (Immune system boost)
- Barley Power (Immune System Boost)
- Liquid Zeolite (chelator/cure)

Afternoon
Conventional Drug
- Prednisone (steroid for lungs)
Alternative Supplements
- Multi-vitamin
- Vitamin C
- Selenium
- Coral Calcium
- Alpha Lipoic Acid
- RM 10

PM
Conventional Drugs
- Lovenox
- Xeloda
Alternative Supplements
- Liquid Zeolite (chelator/cure)

Doug on 07.02.07 @ 09:59 AM PST [link]

Past Posts

Doug's Battle for Health

Life's too good to leave it unfinished!