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04/02/2008: "Funeral, reception and the last few hours"
Just a little info about the reception for Saturday. The mass is at 11 as you know at St. Stephen's Catholic Church at 1101 Keaveny Ct., Walnut Creek. Immediately afterward we'll have a reception in the hall attached to the church.
Many people have asked me when they can say or share something - we will be doing that in two ways. First, for the first hour at the reception, we'll have a microphone set up in a section of the hall if anyone wants to tell a story or share something. Second, in lieu of a 'memory book' we will have a memory table with a long scroll of paper on it - this way people can view it as they mingle. We'll have a place where you can write something, or you can paste on something previously written or attach a favorite photo. We'll have a "did you know" section on that table, so if you know something about Doug that some people may not, let us know!!
--Did you know that Rock was the very first Treasurer of the "Save Mt. Diablo Foundation" in the 70s?
--Did you know he could play trumpet and harmonica along with guitar? He was so modest about these things that I didn't even know until 10 years into our marriage.
--Did you know he could juggle?
I also want to tell you that it was a sweet last few hours that I spent with Rock. After 2 days of a steady stream of visitors, we were alone around 2PM on Wednesday, March 12. It was peaceful and I got to spend some nice quiet time with him. We had removed IV's, turned off the beeping monitors and it became very still. I got to talk to him, wash and massage his feet and hands. I got to pet his forehead and tell him that I would miss him and why I love him. To take care of him one last time was an honor after so many years of him doing so much for me. Although he seemed to be sleeping, I know he was aware by the way he moved his hand or squeezed mine. Nick came to see him at 8:00, and at 8:30 the nurses began to buzz around the room, as they could see the monitors from the other room. I realized that Rock was beginning to take his last breaths - I asked Nick to kiss him good-bye, and my sister whisked him away while I stayed to see a few more deep breaths, to the end.
I realize what it means now when someone says "It was for the best, his suffering is over". In the past this seemed to be just hollow words of comfort for those left behind. Although he had a life that never lost hope, he was in fact in pain and suffering these last few weeks if not months (who knows how much or how long, he never complained). He put up a great front for others, but Nick and I could see daily his struggle to get out of bed and were always amazed that he could make it out of the house. There was somehow a certain relief that he had gone to meet his maker. As he said to his last few visitors, "I'm in God's waiting room".
I am hoping that we can celebrate a life well lived by having a great time on Saturday!! This is what he wanted, and he should have it.
I waited until relatively late in life to get married because I wanted to make sure it worked. I recieved a note from a woman I used to work with, and she expressed my feeling that one should always marry for love, and the other benefits would follow:
"I’m so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I was only able to meet Rock once. But your relationship with Rock inspired me to be true to myself and not to settle for less than true love....You taught me so much about business, people, the world, and yes even true love. I thank you and Rock for that. I now completely understand something you told me a long time ago, “He is my heart ”.
I am feeling so thrilled that I could affect someone's life in the same way that Rock affected so many.
Replies: 9 Comments
on Monday, April 14th, jherleman@fnf.com said
Jeanette:
My experiences are limited but vivid. As cousins we saw very little of each other in the early years and in our adult years hardly ever. Contributing to this was that both Doug and I always lived at opposite ends of our world-he overseas then returning and my living outside California for the past 30 years.
However, our paths did cross for the better 2-years ago at Dorrington. Doug came by to see us (it had been years)and to catch up with the mysterious cousins. It took us some time to get through the past 20-years and his battle with health, his love of family, a very mild overview of his accomplishments (he was more modest than me) and what battles he felt loomed in his future. The entire time Rock never looked for sympathy or compassion from me but rather shared his concern of how you and the children would cope should he not complete his struggle.
What struck me as ironic was that the Prouty blood seems to resinate in us and our children. I do not care how little contact you may have had over the years the common values, humor and humility seem to be carried forward; I saw a lot of my own son in Rock. Rock's comments & insight seemed like a mirror to my son's soul. As our society does not foster truly sincere/honest people it is amazing/refreshing that there are still so many.
When we parted, after about an hour-and-a-half, it was like parting with an old and dear friend. We could not make Doug's Dorrington party the next day as my 10-year daughter was leaving for Asia within 48 hours- we had pre-planned flight reservations back to Texas and packing.
As I said, it had been years since we last talked, but Doug's "Prouty" blood brought a common bond immediately. As I heard the news I felt a heartfelt loss that we will not be able to share the thoughts we had just started to explore.
My families best to yours. Hope we can visit next year at Dorrington (this is the first year we have missed in many-to much to do; my 10-year old wants to see the 7 Wonders of the World before high school-this summer Peru. Andrew is going to work in the East for a year (or so) before leaving for Europe to fulfill either his Rhodes or Fullbright Scholarship.
Till summer '09; Jim, Andrew & Nicole.
on Saturday, April 5th, Jennifer Harrington said
Jeanette,
Todays service was a beautiful reminder of how much Doug was loved. Please know that you all are in my thoughts and prayers.
on Friday, April 4th, Marguerite said
Jeannette,
I send you, Nick and Alex my heartfelt condolences. Doug and his journey resonated with me very deeply. Like your colleague, his presence and life helped me to be true to myself and not settle for less than true love. For this, I will forever be grateful. And, as I know there are no coincidences in life, I was tickled to run into him the weekend I got married (7 wks ago). It was such a special 'moment' for me - more than I'm sure he knew. Thank you both for having the courage to share your lives, thoughts, and feelings with so many. I continue to be inspired.
on Thursday, April 3rd, Lori Mothersell said
Hi Jeanette! Although I haven't had the privilege of meeting you or Doug in person, I have heard so many wonderful things about your family and the undying spirit that radiates from you. I wanted to send my condolences and let you know how much the school has had you and your family in our thoughts and sharing memories of their interactions with Doug. Your amazing strength and loving marriage are very inspiring and a reminder of what is most important in life!! Please know through all of this that your little girl is well supported and taken care of at the school!! I look forward to meeting you in person!
Sincerely,
Lori Mothersell, ABC Principal
on Thursday, April 3rd, Jennifer Couch said
Jeanette,
You don't know me and I only knew Doug for a short time while he worked at the Acalanes School District but I have been following his blog for some time now. Your words ring so true. I can feel the love you had, and will always have for Doug. I lost my mother two short years ago to ovarian cancer. The last few moments with her were the most precious. I never understood before how people could find that comforting, but I wouldn't change those last moments with my mom for anything. It was hard to see her take her last breath but it was calming and peaceful.
I know losing a parent doesn't come close to losing your spouse and best friend so I don't pretend to know what you are going through. Just know that so many people love you and support you (as is evidence by this blog). Lean on all these people and take time to be alone in your grief, memories, love. You obviously are a very special person. The way Doug spoke (or wrote) about you and all the great thing others have said to you. I wish you peace, comfort,and patience with yourself during this time. God Bless you and your children. I pray that He gives you the strength and wisdom to see you through the years ahead.
on Thursday, April 3rd, Brad GOthberg said
Jeanette,
It sounds like Dougs celebration will be wonderful. I am so sorry I cannot be there. I would love to put some of my old college pictures of Doug and I at Nationals on the board for everyone to see. He truly has taught me how to live my life in a more caring way and so have you.
on Thursday, April 3rd, Big Brother said
I thought I was done with the tears. Thanks for the reminder about the celebrate part. I think I'm going to need a lot of them. My memories of Rock will live forever in you and Nick.
on Thursday, April 3rd, Easton said
Hey Aunt Jeanette
Just letting you kno that Susan and I are still praying for you. I wish we could be there saturday but apparently school is important, I dont know why 
. Hopfully I'll get to talk to you soon.
Love,
Easton
on Thursday, April 3rd, Linda said
You are truly a beautiful person!
