[Previous entry: "What is that in my drain?"] [Next entry: "Years from Now"]
01/28/2008: "Life Support"
Yesterday I spend the whole day in bed. It was a combination of reasons. I didn’t have anything on the schedule and didn’t feel well enough to initiate any activities. Jeanette was a great nursemaid as she brought me meals and snacks. My lungs just seem to be getting worse. I get short of breath even when I am on my oxygen and find myself constantly dialing up the level on the tank. It has become my life support.
It is a strange realization to feel like you are on life support. When Jeanette and I put together our living will, I opted out of being kept on life-support if there was no way of turning my health around. So can they “pull the plug?”
I am paranoid that the power might go out in the house or that I might be driving and my valve will falter or my tank will run out. It is not in my character to be so helpless – so dependent.
I walked by the mirror yesterday and stopped to check if there was an optical illusion. Like one of those fun house mirrors, mine must be bent. I look so skinny. My weight is low but it hasn’t taken a big dip. Still, I stood there staring at an image that could have come from a concentration camp. I’m worried.
The nutritionist at Alta Bates stops by every couple weeks when I am getting treatment to check in with me. This past week she recommended that I add a nutrition supplement drink to my diet. Her researched points to a product called ResurgeX (http://www.resurgex.com/) that I have just ordered. We liked that it doesn’t have all of the High Fructose Corn Syrup that others have and gets its protein from Whey.
Through these “bumps”, I still hold faith that I can turn it around and things will improve.