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01/06/2008: "Life Partners"

I guess it was the holiday break and a chance to spend time with couples. But I have been thinking about what goes into choosing a spouse. I remember dating various people and knowing quickly whether they were someone that I would be compatible with. I am guessing that it is a very primal instinct that drives the decision. What amazes me is how we look for such different people. Are we looking for our better half? Are we aware of our shortcomings so we are looking for someone to fill in the gaps? For instance, if I am terrible at organization, am I drawn to someone who is organized? Perhaps it is even more fundamental than that. If I am a giver, do I connect with someone who is needy? I am amazed by couples where the wife not only buys all his clothes but lays them out for him.

I was attracted to very independent women. Once they showed any sign of dependence or clinginess, I was out of there. I have always wondered why that is so. Jeanette is very strong and independent - sometimes too much so as she rarely leans on me for support or comfort. But I knew she was the one for me - and still is. Now that I am battling cancer, I wonder if somehow, my body knew all along that I would need to be with someone who could handle my illness and/or early demise. Consciously, this is certainly not the way I thought my life would play out.

There is a lot of time these days to think these things out. Our choices in life and what motivates them continue to interest me. I am always surprised by the variety, but then, that is the spice of life.

Replies: 6 Comments

on Friday, January 11th, Mischa said

Heavy sh.. man!! Miss you.

on Tuesday, January 8th, Cindy said

About two years before Benjy and I started dating, we were at the same stoplight. We didn't know each other, but we both remember seeing the other at the stop. How many faces of strangers at stoplights can you place? 28 years later this Friday, we are still together. Don't know if that's fate or destiny or what but I know he is my soul mate. Whatever it is, you 'just know'. I'm sorry you got sick but hope you and your family had a great holiday and beach vacation.

on Monday, January 7th, Mia said

This is a funny topic! I do buy all my husband's clothes - good luck getting him to the mall. If I didn't buy them he'd still be wearing his frat t-shirts from college! I do however let him pick them most days (minus some big night out or such).

Being an existentialist I think who we pick is a combination of our life history. For sure there is a reason, we just might not know what it is at the time

I'm happy for you that you picked wisely!

on Monday, January 7th, Big Bro said

I'm not gonna touch this one!!!

on Monday, January 7th, Cris said

That's an interesting topic. Some believe we marry offshoots of our parents. Some believe we marry a yin to our yang. Some believe we marry one with similar physical traits.

And does it change after many years? The reason we get married may differ from the reason we stay married?

Very interesting what the subconscious mind may know.

Have a good week, Rock/Doug.

on Sunday, January 6th, Little bro said

Well i guess since I was one of the couple that you spent the holiday with that I should explain my choice of wife. Not only does she buy my clothes (better taste) she also picks what she would like to see me in that day. (well she has got to look at me.) I guess she is much like my mother. So I married a girl just like my dear mother. Although she doesnt really like to think she is like mom. It is a compliment, because there is no better women than dear old mom.