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11/19/2007: "Vanity Unfair"

I guess everyone has a vain vein in his or her body. It keeps us thinking good about ourselves. We can look at ourselves in the mirror and pick what we like. Unfortunately when you are battling cancer, much of our vanity has to be put on hold. I have watched my healthy, muscular and strong body deteriorate in one year, to one that looks like that of a POW (yes, that is my hand). My hair, though I still have it, has become a big cowlick. I have difficulty climbing a set of stairs when I used to climb Yosemite’s Half Dome with a 40-pound backpack. I’m tired all the time and spend much of my time lounging or napping. The only reason I turn heads these days is because I am out in public with a breathing tube strapped to my face.

I guess it is humbling and healthy to give up your vanity. Jeanette points out that women have to give up on such things much earlier than men. Men can be handsome with gray in their hair and a little extra weight around the waist. Whenever we watch the news together, she points out an anchorman who looks “aged” and says that they would never let a woman go on the air looking like that. So there is a reason that cosmetics is a multi-billion-dollar industry and that cosmetic surgery is so popular. Many women risk cancer for hormone replacement therapy. Most of us have trouble letting go of our looks and bodies. And if they do go, how do we handle it? Do we adjust our self-image or do we get depressed and let it all go? Can we be attractive with our whit, personality, conversation and charm instead?

These are the waters I am swimming in these days. I know I have other important things to concentrate on other than my vanity. However, unless we die young, it is a tough thing that we all have to deal with. And as long as I am out and about and functioning at a fairly high level, then I am thankful. No matter how ugly it gets.

Replies: 4 Comments

on Wednesday, November 21st, pam said

Doug,
Don't care what you look like today, you are still the most handsome fella in my eyes.....
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your lovely family.

Pam

on Tuesday, November 20th, Cindy said

Aging is the shits. I'll hear my kids reference someone "He's old-like your age.." gee thanks. But one thing I know and love about you is you've always had such a young spirit and i know you still have that in you. Speaking of which:

*****HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! *****

You ARE getting old and that is a great and wonderful thing!! And I hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday.

on Monday, November 19th, Ted Altenberg said

Douglas,

This may seem a bit off-topic, but the photo of your hand and comments reminded me of one of my favorite poems:

AN OBSERVATION
by May Sarton

True gardeners cannot bear a glove
Between the sure touch and the tender root,
Must let their hands grow knotted as they move
With a rough sensitivity about
Under the earth, between the rock and shoot,
Never to bruise or wound the hidden fruit.
And so I watched my mother’s hands grow scarred,
She who could heal the wounded plant or friend
With the same vulnerable yet rigorous love;
I minded once to see her beauty gnarled,
But now her truth is given me to live,
As I learn for myself we must be hard
To move among the tender with an open hand,
And to stay sensitive up to the end
Pay with some toughness for a gentle world.

(originally published in A PRIVATE MYTHOLOGY, 1966)

Perhaps your battle is analogous to the hard work of gardening: both require fortitude, as well as sensitivity, and both may "gnarl" your beauty... But your real beauty is the internal beauty that shines through, regardless of external looks. Your beauty shines on without a doubt, Doug, and the world is a better place for your efforts at "mov[ing] among the tender with an open hand,
... stay[ing] sensitive ... [and] paying with some toughness for a [better] world." (Apologies to May)

Ted :-)

on Monday, November 19th, Doreen said

You must be talking about someone else. To us, you are still the cutie that we all love and miss. All us C & I Girls still get a kick out of you when you come to visit and haven't you noticed how we all flock to see and talk to you. Not just C & I but admireres from other departments as well. So just keep that in mind when you pop in and we hope that is soon...