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08/16/2007: "Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell."

prog·no·sis (prŏg-nō'sĭs)
1. A prediction of the probable course and outcome of a disease.

There have been a couple times when a doctor has told Jeanette or me how much time I have left. I’ve even seen the results from a database of dead people where my condition was plugged in and it gave me how much longer I have to live. Now I am a person who loves to absorb as much information as possible about this disease but I have to draw the line here. Doctors really shouldn’t give their patient a timeline. For one, since everybody (every body) is different, the predictions are often wrong. But they present such a power of suggestion that you worry they may come true.

In January of 2006, it was discovered that my cancer had spread to the bone and lungs. At that time, my oncologist gave me 2 years to live. That anniversary is coming up this January and I plan on making it through. When I was recently re-hospitalized for my lung trouble following surgery, the same doctor told Jeanette that without chemo I had weeks, with chemo maybe months.

So I prefer the military’s policy of “Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell.” I don’t want anyone predicting how much time I have left. It is too depressing and turns my attention to death rather than life. I figure I will focus on living thus absorbing and enjoying each minute and let the rest play out. I understand that death comes with life. Kind of part of the bargain. I drive by the hillside in Lafayette and I see the crosses that represent the soldiers we have lost in the Iraq war. Each cross representing a young man or woman who went too early leaving behind parents, siblings and children. Or I think of the war on cancer that we are losing as a half a million Americans die of cancer each year. That is over 13,500 per day or more than three times the 9/11 deaths on a daily basis!

So who really knows how much time they have. Keep what is important in the forefront and spend your energies sharing your love.

Replies: 5 Comments

on Monday, August 20th, Debra G said

Doug,
Ah yes, the power of suggestion. I believe in the enormous power of the brain. We can fool it, and we can trick it. When we are dreaming, our body actually thinks it is in that place, or doing those things. Why is it that some people get better when given a placebo? Simply the belief that little pill is going to make them better, because a doctor told them it would.

So, you tell your mind, that those doctors are wrong! No one knows when it is our time exactly. All we know is that we will all go at sometime. So screw the statistics, forget the doctor’s time predictions, and defy the odds! Haven’t you always??

Stay strong, think positive and NEVER, EVER GIVE UP!

Love,
Debra

on Sunday, August 19th, Monty said

Yo Doug

Amen Bro!! You know medical schools really dont do a good job of teaching doctors how to cope with death. Who are they to play God???

I like your way of thinking. Stay the course.

on Friday, August 17th, Dawn Shaw said

There are those extraordinary exceptions to all stats, you hear about them all the time. You are such an extraordinary person, I'm sure you will defy all the predictions - in the meantime, keep up the great work of living life to the fullest! I just love you so much - thank you for this blog, it brings hope to all of us, no matter what our situations are.

on Friday, August 17th, Laura said

Doug,

A cancer nutritionist recently told me that doctors do a HUGE disservice by predicting the time that they feel patients have left. As a case in point, my dad walked into his oncologist's office on July 3, 2003, feeling great (though he had been battling lung cancer for three years). However, after his oncologist told him that his cancer had spread like wildfire and he only had 2-4 days left to live, my dad returned home, got in bed, and refused to get up again. And....he died five days later. This was a man who had just eaten lunch at his favorite restaurant and had taken a walk earlier in the day! Instead of embracing what life he had left, he died after living his last few days in despair. I can never forgive that doctor for depriving my father of his last moments of joy--it's as though he died of a broken heart. My stepmother said that she had never seen my father cry; however, he began to cry on the way home in the car and continued to cry off and on until he fell into a coma. This is no way for a loved one to spend his remaining time with family and friends. You are wise to fill your life with joy, Doug--I have no doubt that it will enable you to live longer. Don't let any doctor tell you to just go home and die. If ever a doctor's predictions were wrong, it is this time. You have way too much life in you to believe his words....which would only serve to weigh you down. Continue to be light of spirit, my friend!

on Thursday, August 16th, Mia said

I agree with you. I believe there is some truth in the power of suggestion. Some people might give up when given such a time frame. I understand that the doctors want you to have a full understanding of your condition. I'm sure you do without that kind of date looming in front of you.

I'm not a big fan of our government's "Don't ask. Don't tell." policy. But here it fits. Stay off those databases!