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10/14/2006: "Reeling"
I am reeling and seemed to have lost some hope. As long as I was exercising and feeling pretty strong, I thought that I could beat this. Now I worry that pushing my body has accelerated the disease. My neck hurts chronically and it feels like my lungs are short. But what hurts most is my heavy heart. How can I leave Jeanette, Nick and Alex. They need me and I am leaving them behind. My goal has been to make Jeanette’s life wonderful and I feel like I have failed her.
Thanks to you, friends and family, for your words of support and encouragement. So many of you have prayed and sent positive energy. I believe it has carried me. You have all helped to give me strength. I will continue to fight and will be open to all forms of treatment. I am in a place to accept anything to keep me with my family for whatever extra days I have. It just feels like I am coming to terms with the inevitable.
Replies: 9 Comments
on Monday, October 16th, Scott Roesling said
Hi Rock. Thinking about you a lot lately. Thought I would pay a visit to your blog. My hopes are far from diminished. I love you guys. The girls were asking about you. It's amazing how beautiful all our children are when they look at us. It makes me think of all the times when we were kids that you used to stick up for me in the football games in the Barber's field. You seem to have always carried the same torch. Talk to you soon. Love, Scott
on Monday, October 16th, Cathy Garthwaite said
http://www.fhcrc.org/research/accomplishments.html
Are you familar with the Fred Hutchinson Cancer research center in Seattle? If not please look into them.
on Monday, October 16th, Lisa Grundhoffer said
Hi Doug,
Please check out www.bikrameastbay.com. It is hot yoga. It's an amazing thing to do for both your body and especially your mind. My favorite studio is in San Ramon on Crow Canyon. PLEASE go at least twice, and read about it. I feel so strongly about what it has done for me that it is hard to explain. I hope to see you there sometime! You've come too far to give this battle up, so try this next.
Always sending positive thoughts and prayers your way...Lisa
on Monday, October 16th, Mike Herbst said
Hey Doug
As others have shared, you are an inspiration to me. I know of the feelings you and your family are going through. I know of your own personal battle to keep up the good thoughts and to remain positive. I know the side effects of chemo having watched my mother go through breast cancer for 18 years. Please do not give in to the negative thoughts. Try to squeese love and life into each momentb with your family and children. I know how hard it is to think about the future for them without you. Dont dwell on this, but rather enjoy the time you have with them now. and NEVER GIVE UP....and its ok to Cry till you cant cry anymore. Its ok to be angry all the feelings you have are OK. Thank you for being so open with the world and sharing your strength and your vunerablity as you battle this villian.
Your friend,
Mike
on Monday, October 16th, Mike Herbst said
Hey Doug
As others have shared, you are an inspiration to me. I know of the feelings you and your family are going through. I know of your own personal battle to keep up the good thoughts and to remain positive. I know the side effects of chemo having watched my mother go through breast cancer for 18 years. Please do not give in to the negative thoughts. Try to squeese love and life into each momentb with your family and children. I know how hard it is to think about the future for them without you. Dont dwell on this, but rather enjoy the time you have with them now. and NEVER GIVE UP....and its ok to Cry till you cant cry anymore. Its ok to be angry all the feelings you have are OK. Thank you for being so open with the world and sharing your strength and your vunerablity as you battle this villian.
Your friend,
Mike
on Sunday, October 15th, Mia said
I didn't comment last night because I truly didn't know what to say. I hope you don't second guess your choices as far as treatment - you did so much research and made the best decision for you at the time. I'm sure you never would have been able to run the half marathon on chemo.
I just wanted you to know we were thinking of you. There is always hope.
on Sunday, October 15th, Beena said
I know this, you are a great influence in our family's lives. You have never let my sister down even for one minute. So I don't want to here say that you have. We couldn't be more proud of you because of you, Jeanette is a awesome mom. I try harder to be a better mom because of the influence you have on me. I will be there for the family when you can't, but I know your fight isn't over. You will find something postive out of this, something to learn from it, that is just the way you are. At the point where others give up, you press forward.
I love youUncle Rock, the kids love you, Sierra loves you so much. You showed her what a real Dad is. You will get through this next hurdle I know you will!
Love you Breena
on Sunday, October 15th, Ken said
Hey Cuz, you don't give up, you are such an inspiration and a very special spirit! You have communicated to us information that make so much sense - Anytime time you guys want to come over an kayak in Sausalito let me know! We have two kayaks that would love some exercise, GG thoughts of love from Ken & Dom
on Saturday, October 14th, Millie said
Rock - We love you! Don't give up hope.
